Ok. I finally have a computer again.

Here's the update. I'm living in north Minneapolis, in an attic. My new job is managing a store within a Marshall fields. It's alright. I sell sunglasses. And I think I've come to the point where I'm going to be moving back to England next sorta like end of spring, early summer. But not before I take a massive road trip around the USA. I don't want to go back to england. But i really don't have a choice. And I'm living in an attic that I can't even stand up in fully because...ummm, I can't seem to find any decent people to move in with anywhere else, also rent is really low! Under $250/mo 

And I'll appologise in advance for any mispellings. I've had a rather crap night, and for some reason I thought I could drink a pint of newcastle brown, for each crap thing that came to mind. Today just happned to be the day my ex had her going away party, because she's moving to England to be with this slightly older British photography guy that has his own photography business. So I'm now sufficiently buzzed if you will.

But ah yes, back on track. I'm living in an attic of a house. Our landlord isn't really a landlord, he's just sorta renting his house out...We pay his mortgage and all the utilities. Doesn't really help us out for any problems we have here at all really. For example, I have extension cords going outside my window to the outlets in the garden. Because the ones in my room, damn near blew up. I tried to hook up one extra lava lamp for my...well, lets call it a low ceiling'd room, or upper class storage space...that I just sorta urrm live in. Well anyways, yeah, hooked the bugger up and I damn near blew the outlet off the wall. And the landlord doesn't see it as this as a problem. Not to mention that there's no insulation between me and outside. In the winter, there's some roofing tiles, an inch of dry wall, and then me hugging onto a bottle of rum, thinking of the caribean, whilst the only thing keeping me thawed is the antifreeze in my blood called Malibu, and a space heater that couldn't warm a piece of toast. One day, I swear to god, my cell phone was so chilled when I woke up, the screen wouldn't even light up and it was making a quiet whinning noise. I think it was asking me to kill it, so that it could be happier. You really shouldn't have to wake up and wonder at what point in the night, your bottle of soda turned into a brown ice cube.

Pretty shady neighbourhood too. Someone broke into our house a few months back...By that I mean, opened the window that had been broken 6 months previous, and then they came up into my room, at 4am. Must have scared the crap outta them when a light suddenly got switched on in what they probably thought was a place filled with old plastic christmas trees and beta max players. Of course the first thing I did when they bolted downstairs was grab a piece of wooden house debre with some sharp nails on one end (I call it Mr.Tetinus) and proceed to sit on the door that leads where they where running. I was going to follow them, but then realised this criminal genius who broke into our house, may have known my only weakness...Bullets! So I decided to call the house phone from my cell and see if my room mate had a friend over that maybe just popped up to see what was at the top of some stairs that were hidden in the closet. How this criminal genius even found my room is amazing. Seriously when I came to a party at this house before I lived here. It was a great party, I was in quite a state that I couldn't really stand up without fearing for the safety of my beverage. I sat on the floor and wondered why the monkees, people kept comming out of the closet. Then this guy told me that I should trust him, and go "into" the closet. It was a real matrixy kind of moment, ya know...free your mind and all that. Well, I climbed into the closet, and there's a staircase, leading to a door laying flat on the ceiling. It's kinda of cool. Anyways, my roommate picked up the phone thankfully. I was half worried some psychopathic killer was going to pick up and tell me I was too late! But he confirmed that there was no friends in the house. Then I said Ah! Well, somebody was in my room. A long story short, we met in the middle of the house (he ironically lives in the basement)  him with a hammer, and me with Mr.Tetinus, to find our uninvited friend had already decided to leave. DAMN! And well, I needed a nightcap after that ordeal to get back to sleep.

Ahhh there's soo much to cover in the year that I've been without internet access. Man. Glad our little blogring is still running strong. To update everybody on that. I'm trying to organise some get togethers for people to meet up in a few different cities. Fun for anybody whose the road tripping type.

Actually, come to think of it, we're having a 70's themed party at our house in Minneapolis next saturday. But alas I don't think to many people on the blogring are Minnesota bound. I've had mainly people from NY and CA and London, asking for something to be arranged. So if anyone from those areas knows a nice little place to hold a funtime get together, I can be contacted at casadejoey@yahoo.com or try one of my various messengers, I'd suggest AIM or MSN. We'll start sorting something out :)

Well, I'll update you all soon on current events. Promise. Take care everybody,

                                            ~Joey~ 

Hmm, entries for my Xanga are few an far apart. I appologise. As soon as I get a comp, and a car... I promise...loads more entries.

Well lets see... Ummm I ended up getting that job at Victoria secret. I have to work in the body and beauty section. I basically have to give girls hand massages with lotion, spray purfume, and generally look pretty... Yay! Guys in the mall are assholes to me though when I have to stand in the hall ways in the mall of america and hand out samples. I'm not Gay Dammit. Not that there's anything wrong with that. But can't a guy just work at victoria secret, wearing a suit, handing out lotion samples and still be straight??? Apparently, all the jock guys don't think so. Yeah, I'll slap a few of them someday when I snap! I mean punch...I'll punch them.   No commision though, sure does suck. They make me upsell like crazy, and piss people off. But where's the incentives? And all those pretty girls. After a while it's just torture. Not like i can do anything about it. And then when they make me go over to the lingerie side and ask girls to try a purfume or lotion. Their usually looking at some ummm well, for 13 years olds... I'm going to call it whorish under wear. Don't get me wrong, I love the styles.. But when their 13 and have a 22 year old guy with them buyiong them stuff...It's whorish!. And they they look at me like I perverted... IT'S MY JOB DAMMIT!

Enough Job bitchin'...Time for some State Bitching...

It's still f*cking cold, and there's snow on the floor... I really need to get out of this stupid state, and take a road trip somewhere. I'm going stir crazy. Just have to save up some cash, and get the hell out of here... Hmmm. I need to end this here coz my roomies back... dammit... But umm... Yeah... Anyone in a nice southern state wanna have a British couch surfer for a few days. I need to see some sunlight... AHHH...

Laters peeps,

                                       ~Joey~

Well, I've been trying to find a job, without any luck. And immigration is sketching me out...I have just over 11 days to renew my work permit...arrrrghh...if they'll let me.

Also, on another note... my old land lord is trying to get extra money off of me. He was such a f*cking cocky bastard. I called him to say I was having troubles getting the deposit back, and he just laughed and said thet he was keeping it all, and in fact he was comming after me for more money. There wasn't more than $50 worth of damage in that appartment, most of which was there when I moved in and they said it wouldn't matter about those things when I moved out. In fact I even fixed some crap that was wrong with the place, replaced a shower curtain rod and curtain. Had to take a chain lock off of my door that was there when I moved in, after the fire inspector guy came in and said that my appartment wasn't up to spect. And he's keeping all $300 of my deposit, and god knows how much he's trying to get out of me. I don't have anymore money to give. My ex keeps saying she wants more money off of me everytime we talk, the last time it was $675, this time she said $975, and she was saying that I'm being a jerk by trying to keep the deposit from her. They truth is, if I got the deposit back I'd give it too her. But I can't. Like I want to have some guy keep $300 bucks, and try to get more from me.

I dunno. Stuff was bound to fuck up on me once I tried to better my situation, things just don't seem to want me to have it easy. Maybe I'm not following the path I was meant to take. I don't know. It'll all work out. I should expect a slum lord to try to fuck me over in such a way... I forget... oh yes...

I'm almost tempted to post his phone number all over the internet, and have thousands of people call him for no reason... I also thought about keying his car, and throwing a brick through his wind shield if he keeps all my money... After a few months of course... But that's just bad Karma for me...His time will come... each time he steals money from someone in greed, he gets a little bit closer to *SMACK* righteous retribution!  I hope!

Other than the usual search for a nice girl. Um, lets see. Oh I did meet this one really nice girl, her name was Ashly... she was southern, blond, non smoker, not slutty, catholic, and a little shorter than me... Perfect! Had a nice date. She said she wanted to do it again the next day.... that was like 2 weeks ago. I couldn't get ahold of her. Then I had to leave a message. Last I talked to her, she was sick, and I had to end our conversation coz I was about to talk to the manager of a potencial job. But I dunno. I don't think she made much of an attempt to get a hold of me after I left her a message. I hate just dangling on a line waiting for someone. Just she was so nice. I'm not to good at this dating thing sometimes. I'm just a nice guy looking for a nice girl, and I hate having to sift through all the junky girls that I don't like to find a nice one. Eh! Most people have crap love lives I guess, or they settle for someone... or else their really happy (I hate you happy lover couple, that just have to make out with each other whenever my friends aren't around...damn you)!

Hmmm, talking about finding a job...I had three interviews in a row at the mall of america yesterday. One at Hollister, the next at victoria secret, and then at abercrombie, each an hour apart, at different sides of the mall. Just for all you people who have never enjoyed the bliss and wonder which is, the mall of america (free promotion, you gimboyt mall people better send me a gift certificate)...The mall, other than being in the middle of an artic wasteland (it was f*cking 35 degrees below with windchill the other day), is huge...well... pretty big anyways... and I had to go into hollister... act like I loved the store, and wore their clothes everyday, and was happy go lucky ADD inclined smile happy energizer bunny for $6 and hr kid. Answer a few questions about my favourite music, and movies... whilst trying persistently to keep the attention of the 23 year old manager who seemed to have harder time focusing on our interview Reese Wetherspoon in a handbag store. Seriously, ya know when ya tweaked out on coffee, and you can't stop smilling and looking around everywhere... she was just like that! She probably went away after the interview thinking that she couldn't remember most of what I said, so I couldn't have been too interesting in whatever I said... That's coz ya a crack monkey! Damn hollister chick!

Anyways, straight out of that interview, flying like a madman down the walkways, like I'd just stollen something very important, into the bathrooms. Suit, tie, BAM! I looked flashy...and then I bolted it into the Victoria Secret. And then shortly after discovering that I couldn't attend my interview until I filled out an application... despite all the information being on the resume' I already gave them. The reason why I needed to write everything from my nice crisp resume' onto this, dirty looking, 20 times over photocopied application form, before even getting hired, illudes me. None the less, met the manager... found out they only wanted very partial, part time people for weekends only... Yes I can give hand massages with lotion, no I've never worn any of your make up, yes I understand this, no I haven't used that... I love the store, I love the atmosphere...I'm a little fruity,,,you should hire me... End of interview.... The sight of a new job was growing darker in the distance,,,

Run down the walkway, fly into bathroom... get back into preppy clothes for preppy interview. Run to the otherside of the mall.

Oh Abercrombie was awesome. Their interviewing technique is prestine. Get a group of fairly good looking people who applied, get them all in a circle (very important)... Scout out the best looking... ask them a few personality questions... Oh you're dumb and like football... Hire that guy...oh you were a cheer leader and a swimmer...oh that's awesome, we need that...tell the rest if they don't get a call that they were unsucessful... Proceed to train the hot ones with ADD... much like hollister, but with less ADD from the interviewer (when you're in a circle, everywhere you look is someone you need to ask questions too... Genius! Good one Abercrombie management team,,,must have taken days to come up with that one!). Reminds me of the days of the Aerian nation. Scary. He was 6"something, short geled spikey hair, tanned, not to bright, would do pretty much whatever you'd tell him to... She was 5'8" thin, kinda catty looking, like she got woken up early and the world was going to pay...but her hair was still perfectly straightened anyways!

I dunno, I'm sorry to any people who work at the said companies who may be reading this... I'm just in need of a job. I just don't fit into the profiles of the people these companies want to hire. I'm more laid back fun guy, than preppy star of the football team dumb guy, or, well ok, applying at victoria secret was probably a lost cause anyways.

Taking a week off of work, well not by choice, but still. I've had time to relax and think about things. The last two years have been a growing experience, and have helped me discover some of my potencial, inner feelings and strengths, aswell as some of my less controlable floors.

I dunno. I just spent half the night looking over old diary posts (on a different webpage). It's alot more extensive than this one, and predates my Xanga. And tracked down some of the people I was with in the past. And I'm not sure where my life is heading. I used to be so certain, atleast of my destiny, like where I was going to be. Now it all seems so cloudy. I feel like I've grown too quick, and I'm feeling the stretching, straining on my soul.

I want to do so many different things with my life. And I'm worried I'm going to be tied down to just one thing. I want to do it all. But I don't feel like I could do it back in the confines of my homeland. I feel like a small magnet, glued ontop of a huge magnet. And the huge one is being drawn towards a place where I don't want to be. That's the crappest analogy I can come up with, that makes any sense. Like I'm going to be forced towards a place where my very being doesn't want to be. I'm affraid I'm going ot be sent back to England. I spent my entire life trying to get as far away as possible from my home town and country. Yet things seem to be trying to push me back there. Like I'm not suppose to be here right now. Like I've come here before my proper time. Maybe coming out here now, was just suppose to be something to help me come out here permanently later.

This is really stuff that's not so much for you, my Xanga readers to really have to take in. More just for me to put down my thoughts about what I've had going through my head for the past few weeks and months. I can't write as quick as I can type. And I can't save this information anywhere other than online as this isn't my laptop.

I just keep having nightmares that I'm back in england, and everything is the same as it was when I left. And I'll have that horrible feeling of being stuck, and trapped there like I did before. And have it feel as though it's hopeless trying to get where Iwant to be, because I'm surrounded by people who've gone nowhere, and done nothing with their lives.

Being here now, I feel like I can do what I want to do with my life, and feel happy that I have a fair chance of accomplishing it. And being in uptown is a dream, it came to me earlier, looking around my new appartment. This is where I want to be, I'm in uptown, I can go around and see people that I know and that I want to see. I can feel happy about where I am, and who I know, and that I can make my life whatever I want it to be. And I'm just affraid that if I have to go back. I'll loose sight of that, and of my dreams, and that I'll be stuck there and have all this, all these events... become a more and more distant memory. And the way my memory has become. I know that I'd slowly forget more and more of it as the weeks and months past. Even now people remind me of stuff I've done. That I didn't even remember until they mentioned it to me. And I don't want my friends here to slowly forget about me, and stop caring about me, as they less and less ask themselves "Hey what ever happened to Joey?".

I wish I didn't have to deal with immigration, and that it was all taken care of, so I could just stay here, and make what I will with my life and destiny.

I need lots of money, and an immigration lawyer. If only I knew one :-/

Well. Just some of my deeper thoughts for you all. Mainly for my own mental health. I need to let these thoughts out somewhere. I have no-one that I can just sit down with and say all this crap to. They can't help me with it. So I don't think they'd want to just let me unload my mental lead out onto them, to help myself feel better.

Well take it easy Xanga peeps. Sorry to unleash some of my mind tangles onto you all. Take it easy,

                                          Joey